chronic

backache.

fatigue.

I can't jog, brisk walk, squat, stretch, do anything without feeling like I am going to collapse and not get up. motherbeaver. fuck. shitty excuse for a body.

my back aches so much, I want to stay in the office 'til late so I can claim cab fare. But that is a secondary reason. I cannot bring myself to walk out of the office, to the bus stop. I cannot. Nobody free to pick me up. Hippo's in camp as duty officer; dad's at a meeting, sister is at restaurant. in moments like these I want to cry and scream hot salty brine and cry and cry until I lose consciousness. angst-ridden. pain-ridden. i hate feeling sorry for myself.

God, help me please.